The Boomerang of "Nachas"

Nachas- that special feeling of pride and satisfaction you get from others.
Interestingly you can't 'give' it to yourself. "Yidishe Nachas" is that special feeling that mothers and grandmothers would/do feel when the 'kinder' the children, or the 'anechkla' (grandchildren) do something that we value. And that is the point of the story. We show pride in certain actions, words, achievements, accomplishments, and sensitivities in our kids and that's one of the ways they learn what it is that we value.
I would do anything if only I could see again the smile of my own mother a"h. Her smile meant everything to me and I learned all those behaviors, words and kindnesses that I could do that would make her smile.

Nachas 2.o - this is what I call the next stage of nachas. When after years of 'input' -living a life of smiles and encouragement, directions and support it comes back to you. The first level is the direct sense of pride when the next generation is learning and the nachas you get is direct from their actions. The second stage is when they call to tell you what they know will give you nachas!
Case in point: After a recent plane ride with his young sons, my son called me with a "nachas report"
" Mommy,You are gonna love this"- he said knowingly, "When Yosef looked out the window of the plane he saw the incredible sunset, and he said 'Wow, I got to paint that!" as he tore open his backpack of art supplies."
"Yidishe Nachas" not only comes at the Seder. It is based on sharing our passions, our values, our appreciation every day of the year. My kids know how I love the mountains and the sunsets, the birds and the flowers and basically all of the natural world. It is sursprising that I still have full use of my arms from all the times I spent pointing enthusiastically and screaming "Look at the sunset, Look at the mountains"- But my kids learned, and have called me from wherever they are when they see a spectacular sunset.
2.0 nachas- seeing that we can transmit the values we live - by age 6 a child can respond to the natural world, spiritually with Brachot (blessings) and with a desire to engage with the world, and make it a part of himself by translating it into his art!
Trust me - for an artist, and a bubbie like me, this is real nachas!
So, nu?
What brings you nachas?

Don’t be a chicken!

But be sure to come meet ours in March!
Don’t miss out on an inspirational Shabbaton filled with learning, celebration, and groundbreaking Jewish thought. Join an intergenerational, pluralistic community of Jewish farmers, rabbis, educators, scholars and consumers from across the country. Register now before it is too late!
http://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e5fr6cdua79f497d&llr=4tuxmucab

Beit Midrash at Kayam Farm

While the words "Beit Midrash" and 'farm' don't frequently occur in the same sentence, they have become a combination over the past three years at the Pearlstone Retreat Center in Reistertown, MD.
The first time we attended the Kayam Farm Beit Midrash, I told my husband it would be a glatt -kosher experience, a Shabbos of learning, in a beautiful setting with more than adequate accomodations. Afterall, farming is not camping, and you do need a good night's sleep. I did not tell him in advance what the median age might be.
Let's just say that we helped to make it a truly intergenerational experience. We were so impressed with this younger generation and their enthusiasm not only for sustainable agriculture, but for really wanting to look into classical Jewish texts, and to see what Judaism has to say and teach us about our relationship to the land- the land of Israel, as well as the land we live on. and for many, work on.
This is a serious enterprise of combining Torah with cutting edge- sustainable, organic agricultural concepts. I was so impressed by the commitment to learn, live, eat, and pray in new and in traditional ways. This is an opportunity to see how some people who may never have opened a Jewish text have now found a reason and a way to delve into the learning.
Come see for yourself, spend a Shabbat on the farm- check out what is already growing in the green house, taste the homemade cheese and find a study partner who may be double, or half your age.
Take a Risk.
To be a 'green bubbie' you don't need your own children, you can nourish local sprouts! There is a wonderful crop of new sprouts out there and they are growing up Jewish, and healthy!
Come for Shabbos!
contact me for details on registering

Hands across a Century

A spontaneous act: a 17 month old reaches his little hand onto the lap of a 1oo year old woman and pulls on her fingers to wish her a Good Shabbos. And then, satisfied with the enthusiastic response he goes from person to person, across the women's section, at the end of the Shabbos service at the Assisted Living Center.
I watched with tears in my eyes as these elderly ladies, many dressed beautifully in their Shabbos finery, caught this little tiny hand as they greeted him with smiles, "Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos." While he doesn't speak yet, he certainly communicates, and has internalized the social interactions of eye contact, handshaking, the importance of touching and interpersonal connection. That these gestures were familiar was confirmed by his 4 year old brother, proudly remarking that 'this is the first time he has gone around to wish everybody a Good Shabbos!" Both little boys know that this is what is done at the end of the Shabbos davening; this is how we grow together, and become a community.

In the Men's section, the little toddler walked between the wheel chairs, waiting patiently until each man returned his handshake. Even though he uses just a few fingers, and alternates hands, the littlest member of this 'congregation/community' is a participant, a member of the tribe!
While I stood in the background, I knew I was the acknowledged (relatively young) grandmother- I have not felt this 'young'-- and I mean, really felt 'young' as I did while watching these beautiful elderly ladies in their 80's, 90's and 100's I found myself looking up to them as role models to me- yes I hope I look that good! I hope I have such a sense of style. I hope I can still daven and read or remember the prayers. And yet, when one of the women told me she has 25 great-grand children, I cringed when she told me she hardly sees any of them. I asked her to 'keep an eye on mine.' I hope I will always feel like I see my kids very frequently.

I don't live near my own grand children, although we are within driving distance- while I do see them often, and talk to them almost daily, I am grateful that they can be a source of nachas and joy to the many 'bubbies' and zaydes' they meet where they live.

It's a sort of "reverse green bubbie" phenomenon- reaching out wherever you are. Connecting across the generations is good for all of us at every age. It's life well lived, appreciated for what we have in common. Our humanity. Our capacity to reach out and connect, hands across the generations is a good prescription for a healthy heart.

So whether you are about to embark on a Thanksgiving celebration, and/or you are thinking about your Shabbos table- expand your age span - and love the ones you're with!

PRAY, PLANT, GROW repeat!

Many of us are familiar with the Pray, Eat, Pray, pattern of Jewish practice. Well, in this Harvest Season- which is also the spiritual season of birth and renewal- a New Year brings us many opportunities for reflection, renewal and redemption. Today is Hoshana Rabbah, bringing us to the end of Sukkos, and time to put away our Lulav and Estrog- Let's take action and put into practice our words to connect mind, body and spirit, to live in a way that our life is our thoughts, deeds and actions. We jsut read in Koheles, that there is a time to plant and a time to sow- well if you want a harvest for next Sukkos, get ready to plant now!
It is a time to begin the cycle of a new year- not only in our minds and hearts, but in the very real gardens and grounds that we live on.
So here it is - a call to action: GROW YOUR OWN (Aravos- willows.)
Keep your Aravos in water and they will sprout roots. Plant the rooted willows into the ground, some sun, shade is good.
Become part of the pray, plant and grow cycle yourself.
The 'aravos' willows will grow here in the Northest, and almost anywhere- we live in the Philadelphia area and the Aravos I planted almost 20 years ago are now big bushes, whose branches are shared each year with many friends and neighbors and visiting family. In years past we have backed up several institutions even Penn Hillel! Our Aravos harvest seems to grow as it is used, the more you cut, the more it grows!
Each year my husband (the green zayda) cuts back the growth on Tammuz 17- (which as you may recall, is a Fast day) Once again breaking with the "pray eat pray" syndrome, it proves that even on days when you are fasting and don't eat, well, you can still foster new growth in the garden, as you cut, pray, cut!
If you are reading this after Sukkos, and or you don't have any Aravos this year to root- stop by some time and we will share our Aravos with you. The good thing about Aravos, just like 'bubbies' if they are 'green' they are still alive, ready and willing to grow.

(not) my daughter's wedding

One of the great joys in life is being happy for other people's happiness. Think about it. Even if math was not your forte, imagine the multiplier effect here. If you limit your joy to yourself, or your immediate family, well, no matter how big that family is, just imagine if you enlarge that circle of people, the potential for more joy is exponential.

A green bubbie is someone who is not afraid or shy about branching out and enlarging that caring circle of family.

When I was a young mother, I remember being admonished, along with my whole generation, "Don't be your child's friend."- and "Don't be "friends with your children's friends." But that is very different from inter-generational friendship. When boundaries and roles are clear, we can relate not as peers, but as supportive, caring, 'other' people, rendering another definition for the word 'relative'

We just attended the wedding of one of my daughter's friends. Since they were in the second grade, she has always called me "Mrs. Feldman" We always liked "to talk" to de-brief, and to consider options. My joy at her wedding was deep- just as our talks were always, well, "deep."

I have always felt that parent-hood is sort of a team sport- we are all in this together, and we each have a 'role' or position to play, supporting all of our kids. My older son was just lamenting how much he misses, and wants to get together with, the father of his best friend. They too used to have special talks. When I mentioned my son's sentiments to that particular father, tears welled up in his eyes as he told me the feeling was mutual.

It's special to have 'inter-generational' friends. When boundaries are clear, generations distinct, the roles we are able to play in each others lives, can enhance the relationships in our own families, just as they strengthen the growth of all involved.

Years ago, when I wrote my dissertation, I wrote about the friendship networks that are formed when parents of young children meet each other as their children start preschool, or day care. I was referring to those strong friendships amongst the parents which would grow as we attended and cheered at all those games, celebrated birthdays and holidays, and fretted over each parental decision - from when to start drinking from a cup, when to let a child ride around the block on a bike, to choosing schools to celebrating life cycle milestones as our children grew up.

What I did not know then, was that just as we were forming friendship networks with the other parents, we were also planting strong roots of trust and becoming the community pillars on which we would be able support each other's children, and give them more than any of us could have provided alone.

Back from The Farm

Kayam Farm- the scene of "Planting Seeds: The First Jewish Early Childhood Conference.
It was better than imagined. It was the participants willingness to "dig deeply" on all fronts that mattered. People came from as far as Seattle,North Carolina, Texas, Boston and Worcester, Florida and New York as well as from nearby Virgina, Pennsylvania,New Jersey and of course Baltimore. There were nature specialists, ece directors, teachers, a rabbi and a great mix of ages and persuasions. There were the gardeners and the wannabes and together we weeded, worked on the farm, engaged with the farm animals at a distance of our choice and got to see red wiggler worms up close and personal. There were sessions on nutrition and healthy eating, and great meals for our own sustenance.
There was an ongoing discussion of what makes the garden 'Jewish' and how to bring the very young into this endeavor.
As the 'green bubbie' I gave the opening keynote, trying my best to weave together Richard Louv's wonderful book, "The Last Child in the Woods" with Jewish Identity and Inspiration from the Garden- For those of you not there, I used my actual weaving expertise to invite those present to image the 'warp' of the loom as Torah and the weft as the experiences in the natural world. The warp of the loom is the backbone and strength of the fabric..Sometimes that warp is invisible, and sometimes given the design of the pattern it becomes obvious and beautifully woven together- that's what create the design of the fabric. So too, if the foundation of what we do in the garden comes from our growing and continual study of what the Torah teaches us, that is the foundation of what we teach, of who we are, and what we do we the children. The stronger the warp, the stronger the fabric we create.
And just in case anyone thinks young children are too young,not so. There is no better example that the song, "Yom Rishon Avodah, Yom Sheni Avodah....Yom Shabbat Menucha" (with the hand motions of course) that demonstrates that even the youngest of children can participate in our Torah based tradition- 6 days of work, and on Shabbat we rest"
just like it says in the Torah!
So, as we prepare for Shabbos, let's try to think of all the work we've done all week- in and out of the garden- how we finish it, and rest on the coming Shabbat.
My hope is that this was only the first Jewish Early Childhood Gardening Conference- There is no way I can convey the extraordinary interplay of the parallel sessions of the Ashville JCCs' Early Childhood Cur brilliantly conveyed and shared by LAEL and JILL along with the workshops given by the incredibly knowledgeable staff of Kayam Farm. They live the life they are aspiring to and it is inspiring to work and learn along side of them
I look forward to the next gathering and learning and bringing our field to new heights,
as together we dig deeply into our Jewish Tradition and into the earth from which G-d created us all.